See Nature

NATURE GOGGLES

Practice lab safety! Protect your eyes AND see the world through lime green colored glasses. You don't look so ridiculous compared to what you'll see sometimes through those glasses.

*What is cuter than children sitting at the carpet/their desks, ready and eager to learn? Nothing.

School on Wheels

PERSONAL OVERSIZE LOAD

Be prepared for SEPTA strikes. Make up packets will not do, Dr. Ackerman. If the kids can't come to school, bring the school to the kids. Clearly this is the easiest solution.

Teacher Tools

TEACHER MULTI-TOOL

There really isn't enough space for ALL the tools a teacher needs.

Tfanet gets pretty close though.

At-home behavior management

BEAR

I realize a bear isn't really an invention.

Dispatching a bear to stealthily enter a child's room where they are neglecting their homework for other pursuits... well, that would be an invention of sorts. A second story window is no match for this agile climber. As a teacher, after utilizing this tool, homework/project completion is sure to rise to 100 percent.*

*Use of the bear has been accompanied by a 10 percent drop in attendance. It may cause unwanted side effects in children such as anxiety, nervousness and Ursus-phobia. It is dispatcher's responsibility to ensure that the bear is well rested and fed before being sent out to homes. The bear takes no responsibility for maulings that occur if it has not been adequately fed beforehand. It is advised that you alert parents BEFORE dispatching the bear.

Rewards

BEAR HUG

Reward students often.

Contraption for Behavior Management

THE CHOKE HOLD

Mr. Boyd, regarding the choke hold: "better to put the rap game there than teenagers."

I disagree. A bear cannot grasp a rap game with its paws. Children need to learn to respect and fear nature. They will, because the bear demands it!

You will probably have to deal with PETA. They will likely have issues with a bear being locked in a shower-sized box. Give it a stool and a copy of The Brothers Karamozov. And at least you'll have a bear who ponders philosophic before it mauls.